The First Oxford Airborne Planning Control Squadron (“The Developers’ Friends”) return from a successful raid on Oxford’s green belt. Their commander, Chief Planning Officer Michael Crofton-Briggs, said his men had been very brave taking flak from members of the public who lived near the area of the attack.
“These misguided people stand in the way of progress. By flattening their primitive grass and trees we have demonstrated that we cannot let these Nimbies stand in the way of progress”.
Crofton-Briggs said that his aim was to make Oxford a grass-free zone within a decade. Grass and trees, he said, were an anachronism which had no place in a modern city. “People will be able to go to college quadrangles and the Botanic Gardens if they want to see what the past looked like” he said.
Mr Crofton-Briggs’ team took a mauling at a recent raid on Warneford Meadow, which they hoped to reduce to buildings and tarmac. “We usually find that these councillors roll over with their legs in the air when we make a recommendation. We were taken by surprise by the fire-power of the opposition” he said. “We will be back and we won’t be caught with a half-baked proposal again. We will be working closely with our friends at the developers to ensure that these Nimbies see things our way.”