I wrote recently that someone had turned up an article of mine by searching for caroline flint teeth. I had written in less than complimentary terms about the way Health Minister Caroline Flint’s teeth “are bared in that rather threatening way which self-publicists confuse with a smile”, and that was the (probably unexpected) hit which resulted.
I considered the possibility that someone found Ms Flint alluring, but decided in the end that the searcher had been looking for something about Ms Flint’s responsibility for running down NHS dental care, and hypocrisy with which she neglected this primary aspect of healthcare whilst telling us not to smoke. Now someone else (or perhaps the same chap) has searched for “caroline flint lovely“.
I earn part of my living by making web sites findable, and I am more interested in that than in the personal characteristics of some interfering harridan in government. What will this fellow look for next?
Caroline Flint, whose constituency, Don Valley, lies somewhere between Scunthorpe and Barnsley West and Penistone, is the current holder of the title sexiest MP. She has risen from the bottom to breast the tape ahead of the others thanks to her naked ambition. There is no beating about the bush with this girl. Her lectures on how oral hygiene will improve our sex lives make us squirm. She will turn no doubt to telling us that big breasts, flat stomachs, shapely legs and pert buttocks are physical assets which come with fitness and which will get us all more sex.
We will see the erection of a whole government system for telling us how to live our lives. She will not be defeated by mockery – you will not find her rolling over and lying on her back with her legs in the air because someone is horrid about her.
There is a degree of masochism in the way she opens herself up to ridicule but I don’t feel that it is sadism to take advantage of her – she is asking for it. She has already kissed goodbye to the love of many people by her interfering attitude, as well as by the bum deal she has given to those needing NHS dentistry. She must have a screw loose if she thinks we cannot see through her lies on this subject. It is all a load of cock and bull.
Caroline Flint has got this far by sucking up to Tony Blair. Whether licking Gordon Brown’s [sorry, even I can’t quite bring myself to picture what was coming next, even in the cause of a controlled experiment in web searching].
It would be nice to see her go arse over tit in the coming reshuffle. It seems likely, however, that Gordon Brown finds her style attractive – the relationship between a stern pillar of outward rectitude and a shapely dominatrix eager to whip people into shape is the stuff of romantic fiction. He will make her the mistress of a larger department as his Cabinet beds down. She will be up for it as will Ed Balls. She will bend over backwards to please him as she did with Blair. We can expect to see more acts laid before Parliament telling us how to run our lives.
I imply no impropriety in saying this. Neither of them exudes any physical allure, and any kind of physical relationship with this very professional woman is out of the question. She would give a tart response to any attempt to seduce her.
The object of this apparently gratuitous exercise in offensive word-play is (as I hope you have gathered) not to denigrate Ms Flint (although as a libertarian smoker I need little encouragement to do that) but to take advantage of the opportunity to test out theories about web searches. I have avoided using extreme words like f*** partly because it has no secondary meaning and partly because it will screw up searches made by users with content filters.
I will report back in due course. You never know. Even the humourless Ms Flint might be interested to know who is searching for what intimate terms about her physical charms.